sianz

Suddenly, I don't feel so close to one of my best friends.. I think is because she keep dont believe me and keep saying things that hurt me. maybe i shld have a talk with her?

anyway, i just sprained my ankle when I was up on my company's ship on friday.. idiot man, alot of things cannot do.. then my mother keep nagging at me.. wah diao.. so sianz loh.. sometimes I dont even feel like staying at home, facing her.. facing her nagging and scolding.. Relationship between me and her is getting from bad to worse.. What to do man.. When I sprained my ankle, she nag at me loh.. wth, I am the patient lei..I must start psycho-ing myself, not bother by the things she say..



see how swollen is my ankle

shld I quit?

actually I have been thinking whether I shld quit my current job..everytime my colllegues say something abt me, I will feel hurt even if they are joking.. like for example, today, one of my collegues commented that I am not steady because I was answering the karoke calls but I nv check the tickets and all the batam view reservation he have to do himself when actually is my job.. Maybe I really slow in doing anything bah.. the job is giving me alot of unhappiness bah, with my collegues commenting on me even though how hard i tried.. I dont know whether i shld continue this job or not

guardian angel?

Was watching a show called guardian angel. It is a programme which based on true account of people when they are down and lonely, someone is there to accompany them, encourage them.. After i finished watching the 6 episodes, I realised that the guardian angel beside them was mostly their parents.. be it is their mother or father.. Somehow it reminded me on how 'badly' my mom had treated me the past few years and even now.. She keep doing things that hurt me and when I needed someone to be there for me, she wasn't around or she was ard but doesn't care.. I really envy people who can communicate with their parents and in a good relation with their parents because I dont have such family.. I have been contributing to the family silently without anyone noticing it.. Actually i dont mind contributing silently, I just want my mom to encourage me whenever i need it.. but guess is just a wishful thinking of mine..The knot between me and her would never be untied.

what is wrong with me

dont know what is wrong with me man.. getting upset over my mom going out with her 'boyfriend' or when I heard that he is coming to our house.. Today, she was supposed to accompany me to go to my auntie house but apparently the guy called her saying that he is coming over to my house.. dont know y but i got really upset when my mother told me that she would not be accompanying me to my auntie's house.. what is more saddening is that when she went out with her 'boyfriend' she didn't even told me that she is going out.. she just went out with this guy, close the door and then I realise that she went out with him.. I dont know why I am feeling so sad from this.. Maybe because I dont want her to be so close to this guy as this guy is married with kids.. maybe I dont her to be hurt one more time.. guess I really have to figure it out

last of school yesterday

Yesterday was the last day of school and I wasn't happy at all. Thought will be feeling happy because I dont need to see my classmates again but lots of things happened on that day to make me feel very very sad.. When I saw my ROM result and I know I failed my project because of my peer evaluation, I feel like crying but I controlled it.. But in the end, I still cried.. and it is the first time in my poly life I cried so terribly because of my results.. First time when I am talking to my counsellor, I cried so terribly.. Guess I am really hurt by my classmates.. what they wrote about me in the peer evaluation.. I guess that they never notice how hard I worked in terms of managing my life, work and studies.. Sometimes, I hope that they will be in my shoes, experience the struggles I had.. But this is just a wishful thinking of mine.. They can't possible experience it, especially the abuse that I have to go through.. I feel that whatever effort I put in the group project is all wasted.. But I noticed how my friends cared about me, especially Rina and Mabel.. They will really by side when I cried. Really want to thank them for that

super stressful

I feeling super stressful now.. Have to take care over 10 things at one shot.. having business ethical test this thursday and i havent even started on it.. have to study from lecture 1-10 and tutorial 1-10.. going crazy liao.. pray hard i will be able to get through this..

a long time since i last blogged

Hi guys how are you guys out there?

It's been a long time since I last blogged.. Busy with work and studies.. A long of things happened these last few weeks, especially in school which I dont feel like mentioning anymore..

Mom is having operation tml and I hope that everything will go well for her operation..