Today is my first day volunteering for YOG Learning Center as guides and to be honest, I was quite nervous for it because it was probably one of the first time over the last 3 years that I speak to such a large crowd of strangers at one time. But in the end, I dont need to lead this crowd of people as there was a drop in people attending this tour. The experience was ok but I was quite happy to see people enjoying the programme which sort of my group came up during the training programme. Of course, there was improvement being made by Peter who is in charge of the learning center.

Somehow, I managed to stay and listen to a true story by one of our sailing sportsman who took part in Olypmic in 2000 and 2008. Got sort of touched by what he had say. I remembered him saying 4 things:

1) 24hours is not not enough. Is just taking something out and replacing it with another stuff. For me, I don't shop at Orchard Road but use this time to train for sailing. So guys is time to sacrifice playing games to get your things done.

2) We won't keep tactics on sailing to ourselves but we share it with our teammates. Is not about you as an individual being able to compete in the competition but is how you and your teammates are able to join in the competition. If you keep all the secrets to yourself, your team might not to able to qualify for the competition because of the low skills. I was really moved when I heard this sentence and it sets me to reflect on myself. Sometimes we dont share secrets of studying to our friends who are our opponents for fear of losing to them. We always wanted to be the first but we forgot our friends who might be struggling with their studies.. We should try to help our friends who are weaker in their studies with good intention, like trying to bring up the quality of results of our scholl. This is how one of the Olympic value: friendship is being displayed.

3)There were times when I feel like giving up and/or disappointing moments, like I had to undergone operation before the 2008 Beijing Olympic. But is how my friends, coach and family members stood by me and supported me at these moments. They didn't say things like what is only weeks before the Olympic games before you told me that you have to undergo operation. But instead, they told me they understand and say things like concentrating on getting well first. Is not about the competition but is about you who they really cares.(this sentence is what I interpreted not he says one). I really cried when I hear this. Don't know why I just got this intense feeling in me. At that moment, it sort of reminded me of who was there to support me when I needed. Lecturers, my secondary teachers, friends, my counsellor. I guess I wouldn't be who I am now without their support. Thanks man and I love you all. I shall be the one who will support others when they need. This will be my another aim in life.

4) Is really what you want to achieve in life. Once you have decided, you have to put in commitment and time to achieve it. Is all about the benchmark you and/or the society has set. There is resources for you to become a sportsman but alot of people is not taking up because of the controvesy we had live with in Singapore, the 5Cs. Guys, is time to think up of what you want in life and pursue it.

YOG learning center training

Just finished my two days YOG learning center training yesterday.. and guess what the batch of volunteers is the pioneer batch of the learning center. Really had alot of fun and learn lots of things from this volunteering. The trainers were able to turn the theory of service-learning into games which we can have fun while learning. We had a 'nuclear bomb' game where we learn about GRPR(Goals, roles, processes and relationships. Through this game, I also learn about team work.

I also learnt how to challenge our limits during the training. Often, we always thought we can't succeed in things without willing to give ourselves a chance to try. For me, I will feel uncomfortable talking to strangers but yesterday I really challenge myself. I went to this total stranger who was selling tissues and give him a water bottle and he accepted it. It wasn't that difficult that I thought it would be. We also played games like traffic jam. Its really a different kind of training which you normally will go through. Volunteering is not about the monetary terms that matters, is about things you can do for your society and what you do gain in terms of the experience.

I urge all of you to join YOG or other volunteering work if you can. Its really a different experience altogether.

proficiency test 2

YES finally finished my proficiency test 2 for SSM and I am glad is finally finished ok although I failed the test terribly.. sob sob.. but nvm I got try harder for my proficiency test 1 and other components.

Don't know why these few days I seem to have alot of energy to deal with the difficulties in life, be it to my schoolwork,family or friends although I am tired la.. isn't it a contradiction? Haha.. I think is the power of positive thinking.. Thanks to someone who teaches me to think positively and she is none other than Ms Tan Siok Kia. Not forgeting those who encourages me and try to be there when I needed them. Thanks for everything and your will always be in my heart.

To end this post off, there is a question that I have been asking myself: have you changed or is it me who expected too much from you? Hopefully you get the message that everybody is trying to hint to you. What I can do now is hope for the best to happen..

am glad

Received a call today from someone and I am glad that I have quit my job. Things are becoming more and more unbearable at my previous workplace. The old staffs are quitting one by one.. Haiz.. what to do.. It seems that my manager nv fan xing.. My heart really goes out to those who are still working over there..

Anyway, this week have been quite hectic for me.. SSM, fest assignment, group projects, mice test, YOG briefing and the list goes on.. AND is finally OVER!! phew!! Going to catch up my sleep and the things to do this weekend..

Not in a happy mood now because of something happened in school. bah bah bah..

motivation

I really need some motivation to get my stuff done.. have ard 10 tasks which are due over the 7 days.. and out of these 10 tasks, 3 of them are due tml!! Wah, I have to start doing my stuff before is getting out of hand and stop watching tv..

and finally I solved my work problem!! Yipee!! and it feels shiok not having to work and study.. Time to concentrate on studies..

got this phrase which my lecturer share with me which i find it very true.. "we can give you alot of choices/advices but what you want to do with the choices/advices is your choice.."

utterly disappointed

utterly disppointed with my manager la.. Heartbroken liao.. Wanted to quit but she dont let and still say those crappy things.. give her 4 days notice and she say I didn't and say that my official last day is 30 nov which is like two weeks from now!! WTH!! Give her resignation letter and she rejected it!! Have to submit three resignation letter and somemore I think she still cant accept my resignation.. first letter, she torn it and throw it away.. I have to put my third letter at her table and stop answering her calls and sms.. start questioning myself am I angry with her? I think abit ba.. I decided is really not worth it to stay on.. Now then i realised that my manager is a person who think of her interests first.. damn sad la.. work so hard for her but she dont appreciate it.. anything is the subordinate fault's and not hers..stupid stupid really stupid la!! Crying my heart out and who is able to console me? Maybe i take things too seriously..need to relax myself.. chill..

bored in class

Got so bored in one of my lecture that i started drawing. Below is my art piece



drawn by me



drew by kelly

u can see more drawings at my facebook profile

P.S. Yes finally can upload the pics

is it that difficult?

All I wanted is a mother who will showed care and concern for me
All I wanted is a mother who will be there when I am feeling sad
All I wanted is a mother who will stop doing things that will hurt me
All I wanted is a mother who will support me whatever I do

This is currently my wishlist. Is it so difficult to achieve.. Feeling very hurt now coz nope of the above had been achieved and is always the opposite that have been achieved

sad

Feeling very sad and down now.. Don't feel like talking about it now.. Will blog again when i feel better

P.S. Happy birthday to darling and my cousin Jin Wei

parent's expectations of their children

Was watching a show called the academy 学警雄心.. Got one part of the show where one of the police cadets who wanted to excel in his studies and become the best policeman so that his father will be proud of him. He forced himself to study so hard that he was too stressed up and cannot continue his training anymore.. But his father told the doctor that he didn't give his son any stress.. and in the end, it turned out that this police cadet didn't want to disappoint his father, so he forced himself to become a police cadet as both his father and brother is a high-ranking policeman. When I saw this scene, it sort of remained me of two of my friends who got so stressed that they cannot continue their studies.. One had to give up his studies and go to work.. the other had to retain one more year in JC.. And both their parents said the same thing: I didn't give my children any stress.. it really probed me into thinking that parents should have spend more time understand their children emotional needs and not only their physical needs.. Sometimes things aren't that simple as we seem

F1 race

Was working at the F1 race over the two days.. Quite bored actually because I have nothing to do. I was deployed at the one of the suite. Expectations of usher at the suite is higher than the grandstand. But I really saw how challenging for Singapore to hold such a big and prestigious event, especially on friday when it was raining in the morning. On friday, it was very chaotic. My supervisor was late, then the queue for the lunch was quite long.. then the rooftop of the suite was damaged.. then they have to repair it.. I think they never have expected the rain to be so heavy..

Anyway, it was quite excited to see the race at first.. and it was really different to be to see it and on tv.. But as the time goes by, you will be irritated by the 'zoom zomm' sound of the car..

sianz

Suddenly, I don't feel so close to one of my best friends.. I think is because she keep dont believe me and keep saying things that hurt me. maybe i shld have a talk with her?

anyway, i just sprained my ankle when I was up on my company's ship on friday.. idiot man, alot of things cannot do.. then my mother keep nagging at me.. wah diao.. so sianz loh.. sometimes I dont even feel like staying at home, facing her.. facing her nagging and scolding.. Relationship between me and her is getting from bad to worse.. What to do man.. When I sprained my ankle, she nag at me loh.. wth, I am the patient lei..I must start psycho-ing myself, not bother by the things she say..



see how swollen is my ankle

shld I quit?

actually I have been thinking whether I shld quit my current job..everytime my colllegues say something abt me, I will feel hurt even if they are joking.. like for example, today, one of my collegues commented that I am not steady because I was answering the karoke calls but I nv check the tickets and all the batam view reservation he have to do himself when actually is my job.. Maybe I really slow in doing anything bah.. the job is giving me alot of unhappiness bah, with my collegues commenting on me even though how hard i tried.. I dont know whether i shld continue this job or not

guardian angel?

Was watching a show called guardian angel. It is a programme which based on true account of people when they are down and lonely, someone is there to accompany them, encourage them.. After i finished watching the 6 episodes, I realised that the guardian angel beside them was mostly their parents.. be it is their mother or father.. Somehow it reminded me on how 'badly' my mom had treated me the past few years and even now.. She keep doing things that hurt me and when I needed someone to be there for me, she wasn't around or she was ard but doesn't care.. I really envy people who can communicate with their parents and in a good relation with their parents because I dont have such family.. I have been contributing to the family silently without anyone noticing it.. Actually i dont mind contributing silently, I just want my mom to encourage me whenever i need it.. but guess is just a wishful thinking of mine..The knot between me and her would never be untied.

what is wrong with me

dont know what is wrong with me man.. getting upset over my mom going out with her 'boyfriend' or when I heard that he is coming to our house.. Today, she was supposed to accompany me to go to my auntie house but apparently the guy called her saying that he is coming over to my house.. dont know y but i got really upset when my mother told me that she would not be accompanying me to my auntie's house.. what is more saddening is that when she went out with her 'boyfriend' she didn't even told me that she is going out.. she just went out with this guy, close the door and then I realise that she went out with him.. I dont know why I am feeling so sad from this.. Maybe because I dont want her to be so close to this guy as this guy is married with kids.. maybe I dont her to be hurt one more time.. guess I really have to figure it out

last of school yesterday

Yesterday was the last day of school and I wasn't happy at all. Thought will be feeling happy because I dont need to see my classmates again but lots of things happened on that day to make me feel very very sad.. When I saw my ROM result and I know I failed my project because of my peer evaluation, I feel like crying but I controlled it.. But in the end, I still cried.. and it is the first time in my poly life I cried so terribly because of my results.. First time when I am talking to my counsellor, I cried so terribly.. Guess I am really hurt by my classmates.. what they wrote about me in the peer evaluation.. I guess that they never notice how hard I worked in terms of managing my life, work and studies.. Sometimes, I hope that they will be in my shoes, experience the struggles I had.. But this is just a wishful thinking of mine.. They can't possible experience it, especially the abuse that I have to go through.. I feel that whatever effort I put in the group project is all wasted.. But I noticed how my friends cared about me, especially Rina and Mabel.. They will really by side when I cried. Really want to thank them for that

super stressful

I feeling super stressful now.. Have to take care over 10 things at one shot.. having business ethical test this thursday and i havent even started on it.. have to study from lecture 1-10 and tutorial 1-10.. going crazy liao.. pray hard i will be able to get through this..

a long time since i last blogged

Hi guys how are you guys out there?

It's been a long time since I last blogged.. Busy with work and studies.. A long of things happened these last few weeks, especially in school which I dont feel like mentioning anymore..

Mom is having operation tml and I hope that everything will go well for her operation..

an unforgettable day

Finally, I have time to blog.. Was quite busy over the last few weeks.. Almost everyday I working. Sometimes I also dont know why I work so hard for what.. lost the aim to work hard.. Anyway, I had a unforgettable day last wednesday where I went out with my collegues (my two darlings, ken, jr, raymond) after my work.. We went to have steamboat after our work at tian tian lai huo guo dian.. the food there is quite sucky and I swear I will never go there to eat again.. But over at the shop, one funny incident happened.. the people that was sitting behind us was celebrating one of their friends birthday, so one of them ask raymond to help them take photo and so coincident they know each other.. after raymond help them to take photo, one of them asked him if he is from ngee ann and he say no.. but at this moment, I say wo shi ngee ann de.. by then all of my collegues was laughing their head off.. They say my reaction is very funny.. haha.. anyway, went to ehub after dinner but dispointedly the kbox nv open.. went to the bowling but no lanes.. so went to cineleisure to catch a movie called sex in the city.. while waiting for the show to start, we went to play pool. there was the first time that I ever played pool.. and I cant seem to master the trick.. then ken and raymond was like keep teaching me lo... haha.. but is a pity that raymond went to NS last friday already.. gosh when will be our next outing?

an update

hello guys how are all of you out there? so long nv update loh.. too lazy to blog.. so many things happen the last few weeks that I didnt blog.. grandpa's health have deterioted alot.. He might not be able to live any longer..When I think of this, is quite sad.. but life and death is part and parcel of life.. Now I can only try to spend more time with him..

enough of the sad thing.. now for the happy thing. Recently, i got promoted again. promotion in terms of greater responsbility.. so is harder to quit now..

super stressful

Im going to explode soon.. Work, family and friends are adding in to my burden.. Especially my work is causing alot of stress.. The expectations of our management is getting higher and higher without questioning whether the staff can handle the expectations.. Sometimes I feel that they do not consider our feelings at all..

I dont know why today I broke down at my workplace.. I was doing my batam view manifest and one of my collegues came over and say got 2.20pm ticket.. I say ok.. I trying to multi task.. then he say wah multi-tasking ah.. why are u doing tml batam view manifest.. today ticket dont want to do.. then i say if u dont want to help dont talk so much.. then i dont know why i cried.. wah piang.. now i still feel like crying.. sianz..

now I really hate working morning because morning I always kana checking the tickets. that place is quite stressful because if my manager is around, she will keep chasing you for tickets

just an update

been quite busy this week and last week.. Just came back from my two company trip - one to batam view and the other to leisure world.. Had quite an wonderful time at bvbr.. Went to eat seafood at golden prawn. the seafood there is nice.. if have another chance, I will go there again.

Remember that guy I mentioned in the previous post? I tried dating with him for one week and we broke up.. It was because he did something that I cannot tolerate ehich is my greatest worry which I had mentioned in my previous post.. was very sad when I broke up with him.. cried the whole day till I almost cannot go work... Guess I was really hurt by him..These few days I got xiang him.. guess i still cant get over him bah.. need some more time to get over him bah.. haiz..

p.s. thanks for those who had shower me with care and concern when I was feeling very down on sat.. special thanks to my supervisor, celes and my collegues(friends) ken, sharon, sitoh

happenings

hi guys, been over two weeks since i last blogged.. Was working as a mascot over the past few days and today is last day!! Yeah!! Actually it was quite fun as the aunties there are quite nice.. There was one auntie who help me keep my chair and the bowling equipment at her house.. But dont know why I am so happy that today is the last day of the event.. Haha..

Anyway, I faced this problem recently in my life.. Got one guy aged about 35 is interested in me.. he is quite a nice guy but i have a very strong feeling that he is interested in me because of sex.. I dont want to wait for anything bad to happen then regret in my later part of my life.. Now i feeling very very scared and dont know what to do.. Anyone can help me on this?

yeah!!

finally exams are over!! Yeah!! Finally can relax and rest le!! Been looking to this meh.. Been really busy the past few days to prepare, almost give up meh.. Luckily, my CP and counsellor were there to encourage me.. Everything is finally over and am glad that I was able to survive through everything that came along.. Be it the stresses that I faced, the suicidal thoughts, the flashbacks.. I really want to thank my teachers and friends, especially my CP..She gave me the suppport whenever I am feeling down or needed someone to be there, no matter how busy she was. Without them, I guess I wouldn't be able to survive through everything.

To my CP: Thanks for everything. Although you might not be reading this, I still want to thank you for everything. You are the one who lead me on.. Not forgeting my friends also :)

sick :(

I caught the flu bug this morning.. Haiz.. exams coming le then sick.. sad.. somemore havent really study for my pom exam which is this friday.. Hope I can get well by tml..

P.S I hate this feeling of being sick, especially near exams period

quite sad

hello guys/gals reading my blog, it been two weeks that I didn't blog.. Nothing much actually happened these two weeks.. Life is the same for me.. Studying, working.. with some unhappy events happened during the weeks, especially today.. Got back my F&B project result.. Our group got a D+.. One of my group members was very unhappy about the grades lah.. then she keep asking what is the percentage of the grp project.. Then after the class ended, she keep asking if I did put in the things that she give me.. this did not end yet.. Was supposed to meet my group members for the script review but one of my friends and I didn't turned up coz I am too tired from the working and studying over the past few weeks.. I didn't know that we will be meeting for the rehearsal after class so I just ask her we doing the rehearsal now ah, then she said yeah la, wanted to rehearse this morning, but you didn't turn up, My SDL and survey still havent do lei.. From her voice, it sounded that I was the blame for everything. ok lah, I must admit that partly is my fault la, but dont you think that you are actually to blame also.. Is you who never arrange the timing properly and you still have the cheek to blame and scold me.. Was damn upset lah.. So I walked out the school alone without her because I know I needed to be alone without her.. Guess I wouldn't talking much to her the next few days bah.. this was only one of the sad things that happened to me.. the others I better not blog about it coz it concern my company..

enough of the sad things.. now to the happy things.. I got my POM coursework grade yesterday.. Can't believe that I actually got a A (in poly, is 80 marks and above so it quite a high achievement for me).. Was actually very happy.. But this time round, it actually concerned the person I mentioned above again.. She actually wasn't happy that I got better grade than her (she got a B+).. she keep saying y my mid-sem test got better grades than Xue Qi but my overall grades lower than her.. haiz.. Guess my life isn't really happy with her around.. But I dont know if i should break off with her.. I feel very stupid breaking with her with such a small matter.. but she keep repeating and repeating the things that irritates me..

happenings

It had been a hectic week for me.. with 4 group presentation and 3 tests in a week.. Finally it was over.. Yeah!! Anyway this year was unusual happy for me because my classmates, counsellor and CP celebrated my birthday with me.. Best of all, my classmates actually baked a cake for me.. I was elated and quite surprised because I never thought that they will do this to me. Thanks guys I really appreciated it.. This was the first surprise that I got in the week. The second surprise was wo mei you xiang dao my counsellor and my CP will remember my birthday.. My CP actually brought a cake from Sugarloaf.. Best part of all, when I went for my counselling session, my counsellor actually sang a birthday song to me!! opps, i think I am too excited and happy already.. Last but not least, I like to give thanks to people (Mei Yun, my cousin, my aunties, Zheng Yi, Kalyne, Mabel, Kelly, Elspeth, Rina, Chee yan and you know who u are la) who wish me a happy birthday, be it online or sms.. Thanks guys, you really make my day:).. I hope we will still remain in contact when the years go by..

haiz...

haiz.. just realised that tuesday is my birthday.. haha.. but I guess it is going to be the second worst birthday I even had.. coz I have to do project on that project.. so Kalyne so sad I cannot meet you on that day le..

irritated

Was very angry and irritiated with my psychology group members today. We will supposed to hand up the psychology video next thursday but my teammates only want to do the video on tuesday.. that means I only left 1 day to edit the video... and my other projects havent finish yet.. One of my groupmates actually agreed to meet on Monday but she later sms me to tell me to meet on tuesday instead.. was quite angry and fed up when I saw the sms.. haiz.. my stress level keep going up.. But once i get through this i will be ok.. so endure..

happenings

Dont know why but friends around me are turning from single to attached.. haha.. Been quite busy with work and school work over the past few days and worst got one guy keep pestering me.. Dont know how to reject him..

Having quite a few quarrel with my mother.. We quarrel for even those small small things. Sometimes, she didnt see that I am quite busy with my schoolwork, ask me to do this, ask me to do that.. Sometimes, I get really frustrated coz I really have no time to do my own things already and she even ask me to do other things. Sometimes make me dont feel like going home until she sleeps or not at home.

Was quite unhappy today after my psycho class because my group like dont want to do the project until the last minute. I really hate doing last minute thing but what can i do.. sad...

just saw my friend's blog post and had nothing to do so do the quiz.. anyway the result of the quiz is

***You Follow Your Head***
You're rational, collected, and logical.Generally, it takes you quite a while to fall in love.In fact, you've even been accused of being very picky.While you're cool, you're not ice cold.You just know what you want, and don't mind waiting to get it.
Do You Follow Your Head or Your Heart?http://www.blogthings.com/doyoufollowyourheadoryourheartquiz/

haha.. wondered how true is it

new year resolution

Was reading one of my friends blog and saw that she have gotten herself a boyfriend.. Was damn surprising and shocking when I saw that. But anyway I give my best wishes to her and her boyfriend. Here are my resolutions for year 2008

1) Better time management
- so that I can do all my things that I want

2) Be trueful to others and myself

3) Give myself some time to get over the past
- it been around 6 years but I still cant over the incident, so I hope I can get over it this year